She did not know what set her off. Grief is odd that way, striking in the most mysterious of times. It was approaching 11 months to the day of his death. She should have been asleep but her ever growing unborn son was kicking and kicking and she just could not stay in bed. She got up and went to the television, turning it on. She was quite tired so she sat back on the couch, the volume low, the hazy image further darkening everything else out of the light's rays. It was the middle of some movie, she couldn't even be sure what. As she watched her thoughts turned to other things and she began to drift back into sleep, awakened every so often by a strong flutter from her son, due in just 3 weeks.
Her thoughts again drifted off, going randomly to and fro, but when she opened her eyes and looked on the tv screen she saw eyes. Big, staring eyes. It was only for a moment but suddenly everything changed around her. It was as if a cold darkness filled the room, roaring and yet silent. Those eyes... that look... it was the look of.... Cedric. She thought for a brief moment about what Cedric would need in the morning when she got up but then suddenly it hit her. Cedric was gone. Completely removed from anyone's presence. Suddenly, an ice cold bullet flew from her heart through her body. She felt as though she couldn't breathe, that something was consuming her. It was as if her throat were being tightened by a clamp that was unseen. The harsh reality that Cedric was gone had suddenly come back up from the depths of her soul. It was as if a scab had been torn from a healing wound and the blood was now pouring.
Haven grabbed onto the arm of the couch, trying to keep herself from being blown away by this nasty wave of grief. She felt sick to her stomach, as if she were alone. Finally the tears came and she cried without reason. She cried that he was gone. She cried that he was so silently taken. She cried that he had not been given the chance of life that she wanted to give him. She cried bitter tears that he died at the hand of a misinformed and non-caring mother who would not accept her son for who he was. How unfair was his life that seemed to be in vain! However, as soon as she thought that, a voice so clear she could not miss it echoed through her mind, saying "Viya daida feran!!" As she buried her face into the pillow beside her, she felt comfort. Those words... that voice... it could only be one person.
Suddenly she found herself upright but floating. The immense sadness that she felt was still around her, translating into a swirling black void, but a little to her right, and about 15 paces back, a figure stepped out of the white noise and his eyes met hers. She could not tell if his whole body was there or not, but his face was clear as day. Those unmistakable round eyes that had so often seemed so lifeless were now filled with light and life and his once blank face now held the sweetest smile. The scars that once riddled his face and shaved head were gone and his soft brown hair was neatly done. Haven knew who he was, and with that same voice that she had heard so clearly he spoke again, "Ki faioenlo nado... Ki gaelta tu atte..." He had promised to never leave her. As she looked into his eyes, she felt a calmness immediately. He reached out his left arm, which seemed to flow, and she reached out with her left arm. Their hands met and as she so tangibly held his hand, she knew that Cedric would always hold true to his promise and would never ever leave her. In life, a long time ago, in a moment when Cedric was not lost in the darkness of his mind, he made that promise to Haven. It was a promise made of Osai and he held true to it in its fullness.
Haven did not know how long she had been asleep but when she awoke she was back in her bed, her husband's arms around her, holding her close. She vaguely remembered getting up at some point, but she was not sure when. He had brought her back to bed and silently held her, fully understanding her raw emotion, for he too was a part of Cedric's life. The pain of grief was again gone, for now, and her son had finally settled down, allowing her to sleep in peace once more. As she fell back asleep, she was so ever grateful for the ability to always see Cedric every day, whether by dream or by memory, and that truly he would never leave her. She felt his presence once more and relaxed, leaving her frustrations behind.
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